I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize