I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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