Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
