We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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