btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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