You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Randomize
