I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
