How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
