Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
