this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize