Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
