Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
