We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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