you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
