nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
