Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
