I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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