dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
3 2 1 whiskey
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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