when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize