I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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