im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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