i just wanna soil my oats bro
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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