accomplished twins. life is a go
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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