I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
