I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
