she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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