you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
