In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let's paint friendship bongs
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
