do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize