Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
