She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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