Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize