Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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