saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
