frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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