i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
