I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
