Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
