I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
