I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize