Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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