Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize