Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
high people should be assigned attendants
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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