i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
