so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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