You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
