I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
