I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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