I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
