I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
