I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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