I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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