Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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