He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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