I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize