On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
whose parrot is this?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
