So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
