sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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