It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
