Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
