he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
