i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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