Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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