Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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