Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
