she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
