I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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