Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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